Helen needs to gain power from … herself!

This is Helen! Long time no see! I mean it’s been quite a long time to write an English article.

I received a few photos and videos from Beppu today! Very glad that people there are so genki and active! I received a lot of strength from there! Thank you all! And yes, I would like to be back some time after the outbreak ends.

I write this as I feel I need to kinda organize myself a bit. Life is bit overwhelming for me currently. In Chinese there is a word “心累” literally meaning “heart is tired”. I got very pressured to work and study for the law exam at the same time.

The work itself isn’t easy but I still can handle it, but the crazy part is that I almost have no life here. I know almost no friends apart from my colleagues, I don’t know where to go by myself. I hardly find likely-minded friends to spend an afternoon chatting (it’s luxurious for me now). I don’t do travel. I don’t have other network here. My skills are not fully used. And sometimes I lack the passion to try new things and it’s hard to stick to the new things. I joined Toastmasters last year which sent me power but I stopped to attend it as I started to study law.

Speaking of law you may ask why I’m studying law, to be a lawyer? To be honest, I don’t know. I feel law worths me learning so I applied for a class. I started learning from Feb and it’s been three months. At the beginning, I was full of passion and I was locked at home so my life is more controllable. But now I already felt very tired. I told my friend I may quit my current job and turn to be a lawyer, my friend asked me whether I prepared well, whether I have enough determination. I don’t know. People who are exhausted are incapable to reply to those questions.

And I think of my parents. I know what they want me to become. And I know that’s not a bad idea in China. I know my dad wouldn’t be happy if I quit my job without finding a new one. But I just want to relax and take a deep rest. When I’m recharged, I can set off again. Because my mind is messy now, I can’t make any good decisions about my job.

My current job isn’t bad. Just I don’t have life here. That’s the worst part of it. And I think I need to change.

That’s why I said I need to get power from myself. Only myself can make the decision and know what I want to do.

I always believe that the key to lead your direction is just in your heart but you need to get the right way to find it. Writing this article is one of the steps to find the key,

to clear my mind a bit and start to learning law.

Friend, send me your fish … no, your power, and I send mine to you. That’s the power chain. Pay it forward!

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